The Betazoid Book
by MonkaMoo
Summary: Will's reaction was the worst. I couldn't put my walls up fast enough, and they weren't strong enough to counter the depth of his emotion. I was taken aback by such a strong wave of jealousy and pain. I winced when he asked, "I don't mean to be insensitive, but who's the father? My imagination of what would happen after S2E1 "The Child" Mostly fluff, some drama and a little action.
1. (1) Ian

A/N- Hello! This story starts from Season 2 Episode 1 'The Child' and kicks off from there. There will be some action (but not a lot because I'm not actually as smart as I try to appear) It will mostly family-and-friend focused but I will definitely have some interesting twists. Once I completely finish this story, I estimate about 16 chapters. I have almost all of them plotted out, so I might not use your suggestions, but I'd love to hear them! PLEASE ENJOY!

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Stardate 42073.1 Wed Apr 29 2364

At first, I thought it was a part of my dream.

Being empathic, sometimes my senses are a figment of my sleeping mind's imagination. But as I felt the presence move, I knew it was really there.

Even unconscious, I knew it wasn't a human. It had no thoughts that I could make sense of, no emotion. I could only describe it as pure energy.

I stayed still, tracking its movement. It flew around my body in a random formation, inspecting my face, my arms. I tensed up as it explored further down, from my legs to my toes. I calmed, thinking it was satisfied. Then, it disappeared between my legs before I could even think.

I woke up suddenly, out of breath and battling a sensation I couldn't identify.

I remember everything that happened next in vivid color.

I remember how I sat up, shivering, setting aside my fear of sickbay for a check up. I remember how even as I relayed the events of the night to the new CMO, Doctor Pulaski, I knew the truth. I remember the look on Captain Picard's face as the doctor explained her findings. He projected disbelief, and an almost untraceable moment of shame. I remember the wave of guilt that followed, and then pity. I remember struggling to stay calm while my colleagues wondered why my situation necessitated a staff meeting.

Will's reaction was the worst. I couldn't put my walls up fast enough, and they weren't strong enough to counter the depth of his emotion. I was taken aback by such a strong wave of jealousy and pain. I winced when he asked, "I don't mean to be insensitive, but who's the father?"

I remember trying so hard not to pass out or be sick while the staff argued over my fate and the fate of my child. As they argued, I felt a tiny flutter in my mind. I listened, and began to hear a tiny heartbeat. I couldn't see or hear anything else. In that moment, all that mattered was hearing that heartbeat again and again. I was horrified at the direction this conversation was going and that nobody asked my input. I was the mother, it was my body, and I was adamant that abortion was not an option. I did not want to lose this innocent life, whether it was alien or not.

I took a long nap after the meeting, exhausted from the effort it took to hold myself together. I only woke up to a wildly turbulent stomach, sitting up in time to empty my stomach on the floor. I spent most of the night in the bathroom, holding on to the toilet bowl for dear life.

I remember the next day, when I celebrated being sick only once in the morning. Feeling better, I spent my time walking the halls, contemplating how short and yet how long 36 hours seemed to be.

I remember going home and taking a bath, noticing a growing curve in my belly. I sat on the bathroom floor in a robe, focusing only on feeling the baby inside kick, tumble, and grow.

I remember the third day. I was noticeably larger than I had been the day before. The life inside me was kicking stronger, even poking me in the ribs. I felt heavy, weighed down, and I couldn't see my aching feet. I took turns resting and setting up a little nursery. After the work was done, I absorbed the feeling of the toys, the little white dresser, and the cozy bassinet.

I remember the sudden need to get up and move. The feeling consumed me until I could not refuse it. I waddled ungracefully through the halls, no particular direction in mind, just the need to keep going.

Suddenly, I reached out and grabbed the wall as a sensation spread inside me. There was just a brief moment of pressure, then warm liquid spread down my legs. I heard footsteps and felt embarrassed before discovering it was Data.

The android I considered my friend helped me to sickbay, stopping patiently for me to regain my balance. I remember his curious questions, and the childlike look on his face when I answered them.

I remember the feeling building up. Indescribable, but it wasn't pain. I felt it build and build until I called out to the doctor. She told me to push and I did. I pushed, but somehow didn't feel a thing.

I remember that blessed moment of release when it was over, and the flood of emotions when a perfect, wailing, baby boy was placed in my arms. I remember the love, the joy, the need to protect him at all costs, and the thought that this is why women become mothers, and why mothers become fierce and strong.

I remember knowing right away that his name was Ian Andrew Troi.

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A/N Chapter one, done! The rest of the story won't be so dense and emotional, I promise. Let me know what you think.


	2. (2) Ian cont

A/N Chapter 2 is here! Just in case I didn't mention it before, I don't have a specific schedule for this story. I know you understand, at least a little bit, the unpredictability of life. I swear I will try my best to update frequently. I won't keep you waiting too long, and I'll try to give you guys a warning if I think I won't update for a while.

Enjoy!

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Stardate 42073.85 April 30, 2364

"You're going to die!" I choked on that terrible word. "No, you can't!" My heart ached and tears streamed down my face. I did the only thing I could think of as Ian collapsed on the pillow.

"I need the Doctor in my quarters now!" I screamed into my comm badge. "Ian, no!" I hollered, trying to get him to respond.

"Ian!" I kept saying it over and over, holding my little boy close to me. _Wake up, please._ _Ian, listen to me. Open your eyes!_ I urgently kept speaking into his head, trying to keep him conscious.

Doctor Pulaski ran in with Data and Will right behind her. She scanned him around his neck with the tricorder. The beeping sound was fading. I knew what it meant, but the Doctor said it anyway.

"I'm losing life-signs." I froze in hope as she shot a hypospray into his neck to no prevail. I looked at the Doctor, hoping for some comfort, and knew it.

My son was dead.

"I'm sorry…" the Doctor said. Data and Commander Riker both looked at the ground as I held on to Ian. Will's comm badge sounded and Geordi reported, "The containment field has... stabilized!" Will thanked him solemnly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement on the bed. I watched as the body of my little Ian materialized and that same blue-white energy spark that entered my body was in my hand. It made a beautiful tinkly sound like tiny bells and it's aura had a certain warmth. The connection I had with Ian in human form was fading, but I still heard when the life form projected its thoughts to me.

 _Don't cry._ Ian's voice made its way into my mind. _I had to keep you safe. I came to learn about humans, and the easiest way was to go through the natural process. I chose you, and I'm glad I did. You were different. You were the one who knows. You balance the life here. Most importantly, you taught me about a human mother's love._ I smiled at the glowing life-form in my hand, wishing I had more tangible memories of him, something other than just a few photos. Somehow I know I will never forget.

The spark hovered above my hand for a moment, then flew away into the cosmos. I told them what Ian said, and they all hugged me sadly and left. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in my bed, so I set up on the sofa, only imagining for a moment my son was still there.

Hours later I tossed and turned and the day kept repeating itself in my head like a broken record. I checked my chrono. It read 12:03, officially tomorrow. I groaned in frustration at my lack of sleep but decided against getting a hypo from Sick Bay. Instead, I went over to the mirror to study myself.

My peach skin was blotchy in spots. My dark, endless eyes were bloodshot from crying all night. Any light in my eyes was gone. My full lips pulled taught in a seemingly permanent frown. My dark curls fell over my shoulders in tangled clumps and there was a huge knot at the back of my head. My hair would be hell to brush out in the morning.

The door chimed, announcing a visitor.

"Come in! I called, barely able to keep my voice from cracking.

"Hey, Dee, I just wanted to check if you're...okay- Oh, Deanna!" It was Commander Riker, he said with a softness that melted my resolve. I gave in to the emotion. I just sobbed into Will's shoulder, letting go of the sadness, guilt, and grief I'd held onto for the past seven hours or so. I knew my Imzadi would listen and understand. And whether or not I wanted to admit it, I was vulnerable and needed his support right then.

"I could have saved him!" I cried over and over. He just held onto me and smoothed my hair.

As my sobs calmed into sniffles, Will ordered the replicator to pour red wine for two. "Deanna…" he trailed off, handing me the wine. I sipped, savoring the sweet flavor. "Imzadi, tell me everything," he whispered. I confided about how I knew it wasn't my fault but I still somehow felt responsible for Ian's death, how if he hadn't left, everyone on the ship would have died, and how selfish I was for still wanting him alive, regardless of the threat he posed to the Enterprise. By the end, my face was soaked with tears, and I felt bare after I let out all of my emotions on poor Will.

"I know it's so stupid of me," I said, laughing tearfully and turning away. Will put his hand on my knee.

"No, no no. No, it's not your fault. Ian was kind, lovable, curious, and selfless. He sacrificed himself for you, Deanna. He wouldn't want you to be sad, but he did what he had to do for the safety of this ship. He loved you, and you've lost a big part of yourself. God, Deanna, it's okay to cry. Scream, even. This is hard, and I'm here for you."

"Will… please stay. I need someone here. No, I need _you_ here." Will simply reached for my hand and nodded. Then he kissed my forehead and tucked me into bed like I was a young girl and settled down next to me. I almost felt guilty- that was the best sleep that night then I've had in years.

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A/N Thanks for reading, y'all. 66 people have read chapter 1, and I thank all of you! That's about sixty more people than I expected!

I am welcoming ideas for the next chapter! Put any thoughts and ideas in the reviews section or PM me.


	3. (3) Healing

A/N Chapter 3, like promised. Didn't keep ya waiting too long, did I? Thanks for reading!

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I woke up the next morning with a hint of a smile on my face. Knowing Will wouldn't be lying down next to me, I turned over and checked the time before getting out of bed. I was slightly surprised to find Will sitting at my dining room table.

"Morning, sleepyhead!" Will said.

"What's the rush?" I asked since Will was already dressed in uniform, and from the smell of replicated bacon coming from my dining room, had already eaten.

"Picard needs me on the Bridge."

"Oh," I said sadly. I was required off-duty for two more days before I could work again, Captain Picard's orders. I guessed I'd just do some good reading over my mental health days. Will opened the door, then looked back at me.

"Deanna…" he said.

"Yes, commander?"

"Maybe call Beverly or your mother today, just to talk. Don't spend all day being lonely! Have some fun, okay?' I nodded.

"Will?"

"Yes?" he turned around in the doorway, and I felt a rush of appreciation towards him.

"Thank you."

After about three books, I got bored. I did feel lonely like Will said I would. I'd have to remember to thank him again later. I smiled, imagining him trying to get me to admit he was right again.

"Computer, set up a visual link to Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher at Starfleet Medical."

"Visual COMM link connected." On my computer screen appeared a live visual of a desk, covered with tricorders and PADDs. Buried somewhere underneath it all was my redheaded best friend.

"Buried up to your ears in work, I see." The head of red hair looked up and smiled.

"Deanna! How are you?"

"I'm better. But first, how are you? You look terribly busy."

"Oh, It's not bad, actually, I just can't keep up with my desk these days. Every time I get it clean, the assistants come and dump more PADDs on my desk."

"Do you have any time to yourself? I mean, to get out?"

"Not much, unsurprisingly. But I did have a minute to go to Club 47."

"Look at you go! Did you meet anybody?"

"Not really…" Beverly smiled mischievously.

"Bev…" I pressured her, knowing there was more to the story.

"I can't keep anything from you, can I?" she sighed.

"Nope!"

"Okay, fine. I danced with a very handsome Orion."

"Oh my God, I can't believe you! Dancing with an Orion?"

"What can I say? I can live dangerously once in a while!" I shook my head at her before we dissolved into a fit of laughter. After our laughter subsided, I saw Beverly's face turn serious.

"I forgot to ask. How are you doing? I got your message." Last night, Will had sent out messages to everyone who had received Ian's birth announcement to tell them what had happened.

"It was so hard. Last night, I was in shock. It was hard enough to have a baby so soon, so rapidly. Not to mention, I had never met Doctor Pulaski before. Imagine what she thought of me upon first impression. And I couldn't sleep. I felt I had no one to talk to since you left- Well, that's not really fair to you. I'm sorry." I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"It's fine. I know that my choice isn't easy for you. It's hard being so far away from my best friend. Tell me, did you get any sleep at all?"

"Actually, I did. Will came to check on me."

"Aww. How sweet of him. I'm glad he was there to support you."

"He stayed with me last night- nothing like that, no. He was just there for me, sleeping beside me."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay. You know what? I can take an hour-long break. Why don't you tell me all about Ian?"

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A/N Goodness, I need a friend like Beverly. Do you have a friendship like that? Let me know :)

Also, I loooooove hearing your suggestions. Anything helps and I'm open to most anything. Let me know your thoughts.


	4. (4) Official

A/N I've had a pretty good day (except for a persistent cough) and a few extra hours, so here's my present to you: TWO CHAPTERS in one day! Enjoy, my friends.

Also, SHOUTOUT to omelettethemusical. Thanks for your continued support!

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Stardate 42153.01 May 31, 2364 13:45 pm

"Riker to Troi."

"Yes, commander?" I responded, turning off the computer I'd been using to schedule my appointments for next week. I had to move two appointments to Wednesday in order to make time to sleep after a late-night-early-morning shift.

"Report to the observation lounge. You might be interested to see where we are."

"Why? I could just ask the computer."

"No, it's much better to see it. Just come on."

"God, Will, is it a surprise? I'm not sure I like it."

"...Please?" He asked. I sighed.

"Alright, fine. I'll meet you there. Troi out."

As I made my way to the observation lounge, I wondered what he might want me to find. Not to mention, it was important enough that he said 'please'. Whatever it is must be a huge deal.

I ordered the turbolift to take me 'to the top', as the observation lounge is tucked behind the bridge.

"Please specify." stated the computer voice which reminded me so much of Mother.

"Observation Lounge," I replied, rolling my eyes.

I entered the observation lounge, which also was used as the meeting room. There, standing by the window, was Will, looking out at a planet I immediately recognized.

"Earth," I said, staring out the window in wonder.

"Yes. It's beautiful."

"It's been a long time." I sighed. "Five years."

"Do you know why we're here?" Will asked, his eyes sparkling happily.

"No…" I said, becoming wary of his excitement.

"Well, we have accumulated a few weeks of shore leave, which we can spend on Earth." He said. I chose to ignore the fact that he said "we" for just a moment.

"But…?" I pressured.

"But, we're also here to pick up a friend from San Francisco."

"Oh my God, Beverly!" I cried.

"Yes." Will laughed. "Our Dancing Doctor is coming back."

"What are we waiting for, Will? Let's go."

"We aren't in orbit yet, feisty pants. Plus, I have something to ask you."

"Oh, dear." I joked.

"What does that mean?" Will laughed.

"Nothing. Go on." I said with a smile.

"Mmm-hmm. I want to know seriously, Deanna. When Beverly gets back, she's going to want to know… the status of our relationship."

"I see," I said, bracing myself for the worst. Had I taken things too fast? I hope I didn't pressure him. If he wasn't ready- God, I felt so stupid.

"Deanna, are you ready to become official?" I blinked in surprise.

"Oh. I'm sorry- I didn't know you didn't want to-"

"No, Will, you misunderstood. I thought you were going to end it."

"Oh, Dee, I wouldn't do that. I'm ready for you, babe, whenever you are. I'm here."

"Let's do it. I'm ready for us to date again." Will smiled so wide, and I knew I'd made the right decision. "On one condition."

"Okay…"

"Don't call me 'babe'."

On the transporter to the surface, Will and I subtly held hands, wondering if anyone would notice. Nobody in the entire senior staff gave a second glance. Wesley was the only one, who looked at us curiously but didn't say a thing.

We beamed down to The Eclipse restaurant in San Francisco. The city was beautiful. The sun was starting to set, the sky was clear, and there was a slight breeze that complemented the warmth of the spring evening. The street bustled with people, mostly human, and many of them were Starfleet officers. The body of water at the end of the street sent a barely noticeable but welcomed sea spray in the air. The restaurant was beautiful- twenty-first-century building with modern touches and decorations. There were colored lights and soft music, and the tables glowed like the ones installed in Ten Forward. I looked around in amazement.

"Deanna." Will took my elbow to get my attention. I followed his gaze to see a familiar redhead in a gorgeous navy blue dress seated alone on a bench. As a group, we approached our friend and fellow officer.

"Doctor. It's good to see you again." began Picard. Beverly greeted us all with a big smile.

"Captain! Good to see you. Worf, Data, Geordi, Will, I've missed you guys!" Beverly turned to her son. "Wesley! Stop growing! It's bad enough that your already sixteen and almost ready for the Academy. You don't have to be twelve feet tall as well!"

"Moooom…" Wesley tried to escape his mother's attention.

"Actually, Doctor," Data cocked his head like he did when he was processing information. "Wesley is not twelve feet tall. He is precisely six feet one inch tall, or 1.854 meters."

"I'm just exaggerating, Data." Beverly laughed. Will watched, amused.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" I asked. She turned, still laughing.

"Of course not! I missed you, Deanna!" she reached around to hug me.

"I missed you too, Bev."

"Shall we?" Asked the captain, motioning for us to sit.

After an hour of pleasant catching-up, Will and I were the only ones left with Beverly. Worf, Geordi, Data, and Wesley went back to the ship and Picard left for a hotel to get some rest before his shuttle to LaBarre tomorrow morning. Will left for a while to grab more drinks and Beverly soon changed the subject just as I'd expected her to.

"So, any new developments on the Enterprise?"

"I'm assuming you mean relationship-wise," I said.

"Yes."

"Well, if you're asking about Wesley, he hasn't had any new interests in a while." I noticed Beverly relax a little.

"And what if I'm asking about you?"

"Well…"

"Oh. My. God. Deanna!" I laughed. "Is he handsome?"

"Very."

"How many dates?"

"Three. Unofficial."

"So are you official then?"

"Now, yes." Beverly thought for a minute.

"Do I know him?"

"Yes…"

"Starfleet?"

"Definitely."

"Beard?"

"Absolutely!"

"No…"

"Yes." I smiled, watching the emotions play out on my friend's face. "Will and I are official."

"I can't believe it!"

"Can't believe what?" Will appeared behind Beverly.

"Will, you monster! After her son died?" Beverly cried, only half-joking. I was glad to see nobody nearby noticed.

"She needed me. I promise nothing has happened. Not until she's ready."

"He's been a gentleman, Bev," I promised.

"Alright. I'm so happy for you!"

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A/N As always, I welcome ideas and I appreciate opinions!

Follow me on Instagram monkamoo_fanfic :)


	5. (5) Lost

A/N Hi guys! Before you read this chapter, I'm going to geek out a little. Did you know that right now, NASA is finding new planets? There's a probe called TESS that's out there in the stars somewhere, finding entire new worlds! I find this very exciting!

An article I read says,

"The alien world, Pi Mensae c, takes 6.27 days to complete an orbit around its parent star, Pi Mensae. That star is so bright, it's visible to the naked-eye from a dark-sky site in the southern hemisphere. It was previously found to have a planet the mass of ten Jupiters circling it."

"TESS had found a second planet. This new world, called LHS 3844 b, orbits a small star 49 light years away. It is smaller than Pi Mensae c, only 1.3 times the size of Earth, but much hotter at an average temperature of about 532°C. It is so close to its star that it orbits once every 11 minutes."

I'm amazed at this! Let me know if you think this is super cool, or if it sounds like Troi's psycho-babble!

Anyway, back to the story. Sorry, this took so long to update! It was a really busy two weeks including midterms and a surprise eye surgery... and either allergies have got me pretty bad or I have a cold again. This chapter has a lot more technical stuff in it, too, so it was more complicated than usual. I hope you enjoy it!

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 **Deanna**

The day the senior officers were making plans to follow Admiral Nechayev's orders to aid war-torn Amazonia, I was off duty, counseling residents of the ship. On Amazonia, a single day lasts 18.48 hours. The planet is made up of 8 continents, which make up 76% of the planet's landmass. 2 moons and four sister planets orbit Amazonia, and Amazonia itself orbits an orange sun. The Amazonians- violet-skinned humanoids with wings and a short tail similar to a dog's- have been in the midst of a territory war since the people of the smallest continent, Scion, tried to take over Sil'vaa, the capital city.

That was 297 years ago.

The Federation had been carefully observing the situation from afar ever since 2340, when the weapons used by the Amazonians had 'improved' to include ground cannons and aircraft bombs which left traces of antiprotons in the atmosphere. Antiprotons, in large enough quantity, can destroy multiple planets. But, because of the Prime Directive, the Federation did not intervene until now, when the amounts of antiprotons in the atmosphere slowly began destabilizing the planet and threatening the four others in its vicinity.

The discussion was, do we obey the orders, or fight them? Technically, we weren't supposed to intervene since the planets in danger didn't belong to the federation, but at least Amazonia had warp drive capability. That's one regulation left unbroken, anyway.

In the end, they decided to beam down to Amazonia and either try to engineer a way to stop the antiproton pollution or diplomatically resolve the dispute and leave the rest to the Amazonians. Will, as usual, would lead diplomatically, given he wouldn't dare let the Captain beam down to an unstable planet if he could avoid it. Doctor Crusher would go as the medic, and Lieutenants Leya Vylk and Corbin Rocca would be back up.

The night after the away team arrived planetside, I couldn't sleep. There was a strange anxiety keeping me awake, but as far as I could tell, it wasn't mine. At about 0300 hours a jolt of terror interrupted my meditation and I ran out the door, grabbing my robe on the way out. I shot down the corridor to the turbolift.

"Bridge," I commanded. I arrived in the middle of the night watch shift out of breath and, yes, still in my pajamas.

"Counselor?" inquired Data. "Is something the matter?"

"Something has happened. To the away team." Data opened his mouth to say something, then stopped as his display reconfigured itself to show the new information.

"It would appear you are correct. Bridge to Captain Picard." Worry and concern coursed through me as I read the notice on the helm.

"Yes, Commander Data?" Picard responded, voice groggy and rough. He did a good job masking his annoyance at being woken up at such a time. Data, of course, had no sense of this. He continued on.

"The away team has been taken hostage, sir."

"Hostage?" he cried. "This was a peaceful mission! We're there to help them!"

"It's true, sir," I said. "They are no longer safe."

"Counselor Troi sensed something was wrong and came to me just as the results came in." Data added. Another sigh from the captain.

"Alright, I'm coming. Thank you, Mister Data."

And so the long wait began.

Will

I was in oblivion. I felt like I was floating in the middle of space. There was no gravity, no limits to my motion. I seemed to levitate in the middle of nowhere, seeing nothing- until I saw a familiar face appear. First I saw those deep, dark eyes. Then her smile, and lastly, her hair. I began to smile, but then I felt a deep, throbbing pain in the back of my head. The vision of my Imzadi's face dissolved as I became aware of my pain.

"Ugh." I groaned, holding my head. I sat up slowly, noticing the room. Through the small amount of milky light coming through the small stained window, I could see Beverly was lying next to me, unconscious. "Bev." I shook her gently. "Beverly."

Doctor Crusher gained consciousness, sitting up and holding her head much as I did. "Ugh. What happened?"

"We've been kidnapped." piped up the silhouette of Lieutenant Rocca from a few feet away. "I think we were hit on the back of our heads."

"Good observation, Corbin." snapped Beverly sarcastically. "Now I've got a wicked headache." She began to search for her medical kit, which, unsurprisingly, was nowhere to be found.

"And all we have is a tricorder?"

"Yep." Beverly said, pulling the small scanning device out of her pocket.

"Where's Lieutenant Vylk?" Nobody had the answer. It was too dark to see the other end of the room.

"Wait." Beverly scanned around the room with the tricorder, which began to beep wildly. "We have a problem!"

Deanna

"We have a problem!" someone cried, shaking me from my reflective thoughts. That was not what I'd been wanting to hear, as just moments earlier, I had noticed my lack of senses. If something were to go wrong now, I wouldn't know.

"Explain." ordered the Captain.

"The planet's atmosphere is becoming unstable, sir. The antiprotons are growing in number. It's getting worse."

"Where the hell is my away team?" he sighed. Then, he came to a realization. "I need to go down there. Alone."

"Captain!" I objected. "That is hardly a rational idea."

"Deanna. I beg you to let me go down there. I need you up here, at the con. Data will have the bridge. Get Worf up here, too. I can go down on a diplomatic visit and get the away team back."

"I can't sense the away team because of the dampening field. I'm no more help here than I could be down there. You know I have the diplomatic skills."

"Counselor. Please," I sighed and bent my head in submission.

"Alright. But if anything happens to you, Will would never forgive me."

"I'll keep that in mind." The Captain stepped into the turbolift.

"Stay safe." I bade him goodbye. The turbolift doors hissed shut, taking the captain with him. Moments later, the turbolift opened again, revealing Worf, who took his station without delay.

"Counselor." Data acknowledged from behind me. I turned around to see him standing up, pointing to his seat. "I believe this spot is reserved for you." I stared in confusion.

"Captain Picard placed you at the con when he left the bridge." He explained.

"But… I'm not qualified to-"

"The Captain trusts you." Worf chimed in, softening his rough voice. "It is an honor to serve him that way."

I looked at Data, who nodded. I sat slowly at the conn seat, remembering all the little buttons and basic commands from my days at the Academy. Meanwhile, Data took his spot in the big chair.

"Lieutenant Commander Troi," Data began his order, using my official rank, "Establish a communication link to Captain Picard on Amazonia."

"Aye, sir." I quickly established a link to the captain's comm badge. "Connected."

"Enterprise to Captain Picard."

"Picard here."

"What is your situation?"

"I am on the planet's surface. I'm almost at the president's building. I will walk in to avoid surprising any guards."

"Understood. Report when ready." Data closed the communication. "Lieutenant Commander Troi, report on Amazonia's atmosphere."

"Amazonia's air is now 0.3% antiproton matter." I responded. "The atmosphere will become hostile at 7%, and explode at 10%. We need to get them out of there fast." I urged.

"The only thing we can do is wait." reminded Worf. "The Captain has to do his job. We must be here to bring them back."

For the next three hours, I watched the antiproton measurements creep higher and higher, reporting the results every thirty minutes. Finally, as I watched the antiproton levels approach 4.1%, a communication came in from the planet.

"Picard to Enterprise"

"Enterprise here." Data answered.

"The Amazonians have agreed to a cease-fire. They are willing to temporarily join together to find a solution to the impending planet-wide disaster."

"Understood," said Data.

"Captain, you'll have to work quickly; you have an hour and a half before the atmosphere becomes hostile." I added.

"Understood. Picard out." As the communication ended, I tried to reach out to the kidnapped away team. I sighed in frustration.

"Please hurry," I whispered to nobody in particular. "Hold on, Will."

Will

"Hold on, Leya." Across the room, Beverly tried desperately to calm the wounded half-human half-Vulcan woman. A quick scan with a tricorder had shown Lieutenant Vylk had a major concussion, a large slice in her head, and an injury to her neck. That was four hours ago.

Light had poured in from the windows just enough that we could see Vylk at the other end of the room, lying on the floor bleeding and in pain. I imagined nothing could be more frustrating to Doctor Crusher than not being able to do more than console her patient. Beverly stood up, smiling sadly at Lieutenant Vylk before coming back to the "window seat"- the metal slab I sat on.

"How's she doing?" I asked. Beverly just shook her head.

"I don't think she has an hour left. There's no way for me to fully stop the bleeding, and I can't relieve the pressure to her head without my med kit. And, as far as I know, we are the only people in this building."

"What can I do to help?" I asked, and received another head shake in response.

"I'm dying, aren't I?" said Vylk. Beverly went to sit by her again, and this time I followed. Rocca, resting in the corner, noticed what was happening and listened but kept his distance.

"I'm so sorry, Leya. Without my kit…"

"I know." she sighed. She looked away for a moment, careful not to move her head. When she looked back our way, there were tears in her eyes. "Kira," she whispered.

"Your daughter." Beverly sighed.

"Her father died before she was born. Kiren Leuman. He was Starfleet, an engineer on the Alexandria. There was a warp core breach, and he… he died evacuating everyone else from main engineering. He stayed behind to try and save the ship but it was too late. On the shuttle, I watched the explosion, sobbing, and I thought I was going to lose the baby out of grief. When she was born, I named her Kira after her father." Vylk choked down a sob, then her face contorted in pain as her head moved.

"Leya. Leya. Stay with me. It's alright." Beverly encouraged. Vylk relaxed.

"When I thought I couldn't go through with it and be a mother, Deanna counseled me. She reminded me that, since Kira had no father, she would need a mother even more. Kira is such a sweet, smart girl. If I didn't have her, I don't know what I'd do." a fresh stream of tears coursed down her already tear-stained cheeks. "Now she'll be an orphan, just like I was."

I remembered Deanna mentioning once that Lieutenant Vylk had been orphaned since birth, and raised by various human families through the foster system. Emotions are ingrained so deep into her childhood that the only way she was Vulcan was the slight point of her ears.

"I know Kira will be okay. She knows you love her. And she's already so smart, and sweet."

"Doctor- Beverly. Please put it in your log that, until an adoption family is contacted, Deanna will take care of Kira. Please?... As long as you're okay with it, commander. I know… you're her… significant other." she added as her breathing became labored.

"Of course," I promised. "I'd be honored."

"I would trust you with her, too, but…" Vylk addressed Doctor Crusher, cutting off with a gasping breath.

"I understand. It will be in my log." Beverly promised, reaching out to take the dying woman's hand. I put one hand on Vylk's shoulder and the other around Beverly's to show my support to both women.

"Tell… Kira…" Vylk gasped, "I love her… every day. And… she can't sleep… without her blankie… and… she likes a sippy cup of… warm milk at night. And she's allergic… to peanuts."

"I'll remember," I promised.

"She loves… superhero books. And… playing… dress-up. She… only wears… boots and… her hair is… so curly… she leaves it… down. And… she doesn't… like skirts… only pants." Vylk pressed on, tears pouring down her face now, wetting the collar of her uniform and some falling to her ears.

"Take… care of… my baby…" she whispered before falling silent, never to say another word again.

"She's gone," Beverly said sadly, shutting her tricorder and bowing her head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rocca bow his head as well with a sign of the cross at his chest. In a way, I envied his faith. I had grown up with no religion, and no belief in the afterlife, so as far as I knew, death was the end. I sighed, deeply saddened at the loss of another life too early, but thankful that Vylk's misery was over.

"She's gone," I repeated. "Dead."

Deanna

Dead.

I sensed it the moment it happened.

Nothing I could do could bring them back.

They were gone.

"GET THE AWAY TEAM OUT!" I was yanked out of my head, back to the outside world as the Captain tried to change the situation by the sheer volume of his voice.

"I'm sorry Captain, there's too much interference!" cried Chief O'Brien through the comm channel. "Nothing I can do."

Suddenly, I knew what the problem was. I stood up in my chair, somehow forging confidence out of the waves of grief and panic being thrown at me from all angles.

"Captain. I think I have a way to bring them back."

"Make it so." I tapped my comm badge.

"Troi to Commander LaForge."

"Yes?"

"There's a probe at bearing-235-mark-14. Do you see it?"

"Yes. The computer scans show it was sent out approximately an hour ago."

"It's been there for an hour and we didn't notice?" Picard interrupted.

"It came up behind us, and stayed just outside of sensor range." Explained Worf as he read the results Geordi had sent to the Bridge.

"It's a deflector. That's what's been causing the interference. Send a warning to the planet. Give them the option to turn it off or we destroy it from here."

"Aye, commander." Worf followed the instructions, and a moment later, a communication came in from the planet. The president of the Amazonian republic and the leader of the rebels both appeared on-screen.

"We apologize for the problems our probe has caused." began president Maiala Tora. "We had no understanding of its negative effects on your starship."

"Why was the probe launched?"

"We use those probes to record extreme weather from outside the atmosphere, which we then display to the public." explained Aaran Damir, the rebel leader.

"Like a weather news feed." Picard connected. "Is there a quick and painless way to shut down the probe?"

"Not exactly. We'd have to pull it back to the surface with one of our beams. It must return to its exact area in our science facilities."

"Do we have your permission-" Picard began. Both leaders looked at each other briefly, the hatred gone from their eyes.

"Yes." They said, breaking the rules of formality, but when one was forty-nine seconds from planet destruction, who cared?

"The away team is boarded, sir." reported O'Brien reported after what felt like ages. Later, Data would state that the exact time was fifty two point zero nine six seconds.

If I was being honest with myself, I thought we wouldn't be able to save them. Two of my best friends and two valuable junior officers lost on a planet decimated by the after-product of their own battle. I doubted our ability to solve the problem. I let negativity spin me deeper and deeper into doubt and denial. I believed he was dead.

In the milliseconds before the air would become unbreathable, minutes before the planet was expected to implode, most of us were sure they were gone. But we tried. As I watched escape vessels evacuate the fiery mass that was Amazonia, everything was silent. The world stopped.

And then O'Brien saved them with a perfectly-placed transporter beam.

I looked around the bridge, only then noticing everyone was watching me. When the message came that the team was safe, I must have shot to my feet, sobbing without even knowing.

The captain trained his sympathetic eyes onto my tearstained face.

"Deanna. Go see him." he gave me an encouraging smile. "You've done a good job, Commander."

I nodded, wiped my cheeks, and ran to the turbolift. I didn't care how improper it was, to be a senior bridge crewmember and to be running through the corridor like a child. The love of my life, my Imzadi, was home, safe and sound. Decorum be damned!

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A/N Yep, this one took some research. But I'm proud of it. As always, I love to hear what you think.

The line "Decorum be damned" was borrowed from Star Trek: Destiny #3 Lost Souls.

Don't forget to follow me on instagram ( **monkamoo_fanfic)**


	6. (6) Caretaker

A/N- Hi guys! I'm sorry it's been a while since I've updated. I'm sorry to report that this is a short chapter, because of my lack of time and inspiration. It's almost the end of the semester, and then I should have more time to bring you bits and pieces of Will and Deanna's world post-Ian.

Again, I'm so glad that each and every one of you have decided to read my story! It means a lot to me. YOU ALL GET A SHOUTOUT YAY! In return, I'd love if you would check out my other stories if you haven't already.

Enjoy this short and very very sweet chapter!

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"Well, what do you have there?" I asked, sitting down on the sofa with a bottle in my hand. Little Kira Vylk sat on the floor holding a toy brought with her from her quarters.

"Giwaffe." She said proudly, holding up the orange plush animal for me to see.

"So I see. Is a giraffe a bird?" I asked, thinking I'd play a game. Kira nodded.

"Really? A giraffe is a bird?" She looked up at me with curious brown eyes. "No. It doesn't look like a bird to me."

"Aminal." she giggled.

"Yeah, an animal. That's right!" She smiled at me, and I could see just her two front teeth poking out of her gums. I couldn't help but realize how adorable she was, and how much fun I was having. "Kira. Are you ready for your milk, and then bedtime?"

"O-kay." She slowly got up and toddled over to me to take her gold colored bottle of warm milk. "Tank you."

She climbed up on the sofa and settled in against the pillows. I brushed my fingers through her hair as she closed her eyes and drank. I hummed a little song and she grew tired, eventually resting her head in my lap. I felt relaxed, truly relaxed, and before I knew it, my eyes grew heavy and closed.

A little while later, I felt a hand shake my body. I blinked and looked up to see Will lovingly smiling down at me.

"Hi, sleepy head. I'm home." He whispered.

"Hi." I started to sit up, and saw Kira asleep on my lap.

"How was your day? It looks like it went well."

"She was a little angel today. Everything went well."

"Good." Will said, sitting down carefully next to me. After greeting me with a kiss, he added, "I think she's growing on me."

"I thought you liked kids."

"I do. Now I love them." I leaned my head on his shoulder, just breathing with him.

"I want to have children. More children." I blurted out.

"But we're not even married yet!" Will joked.

"And whose fault is that?"

"You could always propose to me, you know."

"I can't imagine that'd go over well with my mother. A daughter of the fifth house, proposing to her husband!"

We dissolved into laughter at the thought. But Kira stirred and we stopped. I gave Will a funny look that said 'oops'

"We still have lots to work on." Pointed out Will.

"Someday, though. Someday we'll have plenty of babies." I daydreamed.

"Babies? You already know you want more than one?"

"Only children are so lonely. Don't you agree?"

"Good point. I never had anyone to play with at home."

"And you forget. I already had one baby." I reminded him that Ian was still my child.

"I want two babies." Will continued.

"Really? I want as many as six!"

"Hmm. How about four? That's a good compromise."

"I agree." I whispered. A quiet moment passed before Will observed,

"We'd have some pretty cute kids. With your curly hair and my eyes…"

"Or your hair and my dark eyes… hmm."

"I can't wait!" He whispered.

"You better!" I cried out laughing. Kira whined and I stopped. "I better put her in her crib."

"Here, let me. You go on to bed."

"Are you sure? I can do it."

"You're tired. Go to bed. I'll do it."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

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A/N Babies are the greatest. Do you think there are children in their future? Let me know! Kisses :)


	7. (7) Found

**_A/N_ Hello again! It's been ages and I'm so very sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Anyway, I worked really hard on this chapter, and you'll see why. It's pretty emotionally dense.**

 **On my Instagram, I promised my followers I would publish this by the end of the weekend, and I did. If you don't already, please follow me (monkamoo_fanfic) We have a lot of fun on Instagram, and I give chapter updates and previews.**

 **Quick note: Kira can't pronounce the "r" sound. She has a great vocabulary for her age (under two) but she has a speech impediment.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

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As beautiful a sight as it was, I would have done anything short of giving my life to keep the sun from rising. If I had the power to stop a new day from coming so soon, I would use it.

Compared to the seemingly endless dark of night, sunrise was a burst of light and color. It is golden, welcoming, and warm, to gently pull people from their dreams. Then, the sky shifts moods, it seems, bathes the sky in rosy tones- all the colors of love, before fading to blue.

As a Federation officer, always on the go, it is a rare gift to witness a sunrise or sunset. But today, even this rare gift couldn't cheer me up. I should be sleeping, preparing for the rough day ahead. But instead, I sit on the sofa, glaring at the sky now filling with fluffy white clouds, belonging to a planet that grew farther and farther away.

"Deanna?" mumbled Will, turning the corner into the living room. "What are you doing awake?"

"It's morning." I defended. "I'm allowed to be awake."

"It's seven in the morning by that planet's standard, but it's two-thirty earth time. You should be asleep. What's wrong?" I didn't answer. He figured it out anyway. "You're worried."

"Of course, I'm worried. You aren't?"

"I am, but I still need to sleep. You should get some sleep, too."

"Great advice." I commented sarcastically. I bit my lip to hold back the other rude things I could say. My behavior didn't seem to bother Will, and he kissed me sweetly.

"Good night," he whispered back, mindful of the baby in the next room. I sighed, then got up off the sofa. Instead of going to bed, I went to the extra room where Kira slept. I stood in the doorway for a while, just listening to her breathe. I slowly gravitated closer and closer to her as if attracted by magnetic force. The celestial lights pouring in from the half-shaded window across the room lit up her precious sleeping face. I perched on the ground in front of her crib and just soaked up every detail. She slept on her side, facing me. Her little head tucked into her shoulder and her little arms rested beside her head. Her long eyelashes fluttered gently. One tiny foot poked out from beneath the blanket. She was so still and perfect, she looked like a porcelain doll.

I didn't want to disturb her, but I needed to hold her, just in case it really was the last time I'd have the chance. I scooped her small body up carefully and held her close to me, rocking her back and forth slowly. As I looked into the sleeping baby's face, I remembered the tune of a lullaby my father sang while I was growing up. I hadn't remembered it in many years, and although I tried, I couldn't remember the words.

I sat slowly in the rocking chair and rocked back and forth. By the time an hour had passed, my legs were tired of rocking. My muscles ached and cramped from sitting for so long, but I didn't dare move. If I moved, I'd have to let go of her. If I let go of her…

I couldn't do that.

Too fast, the arms on the old analog clock on the wall stretched and brought a new hour. Each new hour marking less time. This clock was given to me by my mother when I took my position on the Enterprise. Why would it betray me like this?

The arm approached the ancient roman numeral seven. My comm badge vibrated silently against my chest, supposedly waking me up, if I had bothered to get any rest. I shut it off quickly. That's when I noticed my breathing- or more so the lack thereof. Suddenly gasping for breath, I set Kira down in her crib. Next thing I know, I'm leaning against the shower wall, suffering through a panic attack.

I tell anxious clients of mine exactly what to do. I know the techniques like the back of my hand. It seems so different when it's your own panic. I struggled to remember how to calm myself down. I realized I'd never really had a panic attack before. I felt myself start to lose control of my emotions and resolve. I took off my nightgown, turned on the sonic shower (using up one rare hour with water), and just sobbed, hoping the sonic pulses and pitter-patter of the steaming water would quiet my cries enough that Will might sleep a little longer.

My plan failed. Seconds later, Will stepped silently into the shower with me, rid of his pajamas, and took me into his arms. That's how we stayed, until, wiping my sopping wet curls out of my face, I whispered, "I need to wash up."

"Let me," he said. He stepped out, retrieving my lavender hair soap. He gently and carefully washed my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe calmly. I let the sweet and earthy scent of the lavender wash over me, reminding me of my childhood spent in fields of lavender and bushes weighted down with colorful, fragrant roses and juicy, sweet uttaberries. Will took the magnetic handheld water spout in his hands and washed away the soap from my hair. He turned off the water, handed me my towel, and detangled the ends of my hair with his fingers. I turned around and kissed him softly, expressing my thanks. I felt unable to speak. I had just taken notice of our shared nakedness. This was the closest to intimacy that we've been in many years. I reached out and slipped on my silk robe. I just looked at Will and he shared my thoughts as well, apologetic but also feeling the same pseudo-relief. He placed his towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom to get dressed just as Kira started crying out, desperate to escape confinement. Still dressed in just a robe, I went to rescue the toddler from her crib before her cries got louder.

"Good morning, Kira." I murmured as cheerfully as I could muster. Kira didn't need to know the struggle of the hard day we were all about to face.

I sat her down on the floor with a toy- her favorite little giraffe that she'd named 'Leelee'. I picked out a grey wool jumper, a pale yellow long sleeve one-piece to go underneath, and her nice pair of soft gold shoes. I also found a gold ribbon to tie back some of her hair. Dressed up all sweet, that's how Will found her when he brought her morning cup of milk.

"There's our girl." He said, keeping the stress out of his voice carefully. "She looks just like the sun." Kira grinned and ran over to take her milk, drinking greedily.

"What do you say, Kira?"

"Thank you!" She cried. She looked so precious, head tucked down, big green eyes looking up at us, and her little smile showing off her little milk teeth.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"Eggs please."

"Would you like some fruit?"

"Fwoot please."

"Coming right up!" Will said. "Do you want to push the buttons?"

"Yes yes!" Kira ran out the door to the kitchen, excited for a rare chance to be independent. In my moment of quiet, I slipped away to get dressed.

A few minutes later, dressed and fed and still faking excitement, we climbed onto the turbolift. It dropped us off right outside the doors to the observation lounge, where Doctor Crusher stood with a businesslike woman I'd never seen before.

"Ah, here you are!" acknowledged Beverly, holding out her arm to turn the human woman's attention to us. Her only job here was to introduce us and sit in on the meeting, since she had been Kira's primary doctor. "This is Will Riker and Deanna Troi. Will, Deanna, this is Aiesha Dion, the FPO."

"It's nice to meet you," I said, smiling and shaking her hand. I took the opportunity to probe for her emotions and found she was a natural at keeping them hidden from her features. But being human, she wasn't hard to read. She smiled kindly but had no real joy. She wasn't mean, but she wasn't exceptionally friendly. I'm not sure what I expected from a Family Protection Officer.

"We're sorry we're late." Will was saying, and I fell out of the intense focus it took to connect my mind to another.

"You're not late, we just happened to get here early," Beverly assured us. She seemed very confident, but as I embraced her aura of emotions, I could tell it was just a strong facade. The brief wring of her hands and her feet facing away from the FPO gave it away, too. I looked down at Kira at my feet, briefly envying her oblivion to the tension in the room. That's also when the officer chose to address the last person in the room.

"Hello, Kira." she said with a smile, but there was little emotion behind it.

"Hello!" greeted Kira confidently, with the endless trust of a small child. She looked back at me, smiling, and reached for my hand.

"Shall we begin?" Asked the FPO. She showed us to our seats and began without waiting for a response. "I read the forms that you sent in a while ago. You've known each other for 6 years, correct?"

"Yes," Will confirmed. "We met around 2358, on Betazed." I nodded without turning and facing Officer Dion. I was busy setting Kira up with a cup of uttaberry juice, a container of cheese crackers, Leelee the giraffe, and a toy tribble, thankfully silent.

"That's right, Deanna, you're half betazoid?" Asked Officer Dion. I felt a brief surge of annoyance at her. She knew all the answers to these questions.

"Yes."

"And the two of you are not legally or ritually bound to each other in any tradition, such as in marriage?"

"No."

"You both show interest in having children someday, either your own or adopted in some manner?"

"That's correct." responded Will.

"Good, good. Last question. You both are currently senior Starfleet officers. What are your plans, as for balancing family and your job?"

"We'd both keep working while keeping an intense focus on our family," Will responded without hesitation.

"Absolutely," I continued, "They're both so important to us. Our friends and coworkers here are also our family."

"Well." the officer drawled. "That's a good start for another time."

"Another time?" Will inquired, "What do you mean? What about Kira?"

"We got back the results from her DNA scans. She has two living relatives on Vulcan, her maternal grandparents. It is the finding of this lawful meeting that Kira is not up for adoption. The child in question, Kira Vylk, will be sent to live with her grandparents on Vulcan, effective immediately, since she has no belongings to take care of." The FPO announced formally, while her handheld technology recorded her exact words.

"Immediately?" Will shot up to his feet instantly, fists balled up against the table, knuckles white. "First, you didn't update us that you had found living relatives and then you don't even give us a chance to say goodbye?!" I was taken aback both by his sudden cloud of fury coming off him in waves, and his voice getting gradually fiercer and louder.

His voice shook me from my frozen state. The tears were freely flowing now, and I couldn't make sense of which emotions were mine and which were anybody else's for a moment. Maybe they were all mine. I looked over at Beverly, who seemed just as stunned and upset as I was.

"I'm sorry, commander, that's the regulations. Now, besides the fact that you're two currently working senior Starfleet officers, you would be good candidates to adopt a different child. All you'd have to do is one of you would resign-"

"We're not resigning!" Will interrupted angrily. "We want to adopt Kira! She's our daughter!"

"Dada? Mama?" Kira mumbled. She was so confused and worried and scared. Her emotions and her sweet little voice seemed to cut through the chaos and pause everything for the shortest of seconds. We wouldn't realize until later the magnitude of what she had just said.

"I'm sorry, Commanders. That's all I can do, I don't have a choice. You may say your goodbyes now."

"Kira, sweetheart," I sighed, holding out my arms. She fit right into them without any hesitation. I wanted to keep her there in my lap and never let go. But I couldn't. I let out a sob. "Oh, baby girl."

"Mama-Dee?" She whispered my new title combined with her name for me. She looked up at me with concern, but her eyes reflected the love that we'd spent endless hours sharing with her. Her tiny, dimpled hand reached up to my cheek and attempted to wipe away the tears making paths down my cheeks. One of them landed on her head in the process and she let out a little giggle. It sounded like music.

"I love you." I assured her with one last squeeze and a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you weally much!"

"Go hug Will- Dada." I sniffled, correcting myself.

"Dada-Will." She ran right into his strong, waiting arms. She seemed so tiny, and he, strong enough to break her. But that meant she was safe. I couldn't keep her there. I looked into Will's eyes and saw he was thinking the same thing.

"Kira, I love you. Deanna and I love you, so, so much. You are always welcome here, okay?" he told her. Even he had a few tears in his eyes.

"Okay," she repeated, not really understanding.

"It's time to go." Said the emotionless Officer Dion.

"Wait, please!" cried Kira. She ran over to Beverly, who was still standing beside her chair at the table, one hand covering her mouth in shock. "Docta Cwusha! Hugs?" Beverly nealt down to give her sweet, tiny patient a hug.

"Hugs. I'll miss you, sweet girl. You were my favorite patient."

"You aw my favowite docta." she reassured Beverly seriously. "You the best."

"Thank you, Kira." Beverly gave the tiny girl a high-five, a ritual they'd completed at every appointment.

"Kira, it's time to go." commanded the Family Protection Officer. "Take my hand now." Kira reached for Officer Dion's hand, but turned away and signed the Vulcan salute in our direction.

"Live long and pwospa. Bye-bye."

And then she was gone.

All I could do was stare at the door where our sweet baby had just been and sob, collapsing to the floor.

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 **A/N- *cries***


	8. (8) Grief

**Author's note:** Hello, my friends! How are you? It's been awhile yet again, and yet again here I am apologizing.

It's my summer break! It's been good so far. I'm glad to have time before school starts again. I hope you are relaxed too, and I hope you enjoy this chapter (well, as much as possible because it's sad)

And if there are any faults with this chapter, I blame the fanfic app.

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I hadn't even realized that my knees had collapsed until Will was there, gently picking me up after my loud cries had subsided for the most part. I had barely registered his arms around me holding me to him and whispering comforting words that never made their way to my consciousness. At some point, Beverly, stunned silent, had left the room. It was probably wise.

Somehow, we made it back to my quarters. Neither of us could remember the trip, but I remembered the sorrow flowing in waves from all over the ship as the word spread from crewmember to crewmember and to civilian. We went to my quarters, where we'd both stayed during the three months we'd had Kira. I walked past scattered toys and leftover breakfast in a daze and sank into bed. I wanted to hide under the silver sheets for a long time. I wanted everyone to go away and for time to go back so we'd have Kira still. But Will was the only thing that kept me from falling, falling into that deep, dark place. I had to hold onto something good to get through the grief.

I peered at Will from around the half-wall. He stood by the desk, staring at something on the floor. I looked closer and saw a tiny yellow trumpet. Will had replicated it for Kira, hoping to one day play a brass duet with her. She had started to master the instrument surprisingly fast. When Will watched her figure out the music, he'd had such a look of pride on his face. Now he stared blankly at the trumpet, no Kira anywhere nearby. He seemed confused.

"Will?" I was startled by a sudden flare of anger rising like a flame. In an instant, he turned and punched the wall, knocking some PADDs off the desk and objects off the shelf. I heard something shatter on the carpet, but I was too concerned about Will to care. I'd never seen him like this before. His nose flared and his eyes narrowed. He breathed so heavily I could nearly feel it where I sat.

"Will," I repeated with a carefully measured voice. "You're scaring me." He looked up as if he had just realized what he'd done. His breathing slowed, but tears threatened to spill from his anguished blue eyes.

"It's too much." he said. I knew. Everything in here was a reminder of something precious, lost.

"Let's get out of here." I agreed.

We ended up in his quarters- a place Kira had never been. Yet, the emptiness I felt followed us. It engulfed me until all I could do was stare numbly out Will's window. Where was she now? Surely she was lightyears away already, flying at warp speed on a three-person Federation cruiser on which she was being held hostage. She would never be free. There was no getting her back.

It felt like I had just started to be okay again after Ian resumed his energy form. The feeling of loss and emptiness had almost completely faded, and I was happy with Will. And my world had come crashing down again. Another loss, too soon.

Will sat down next to me. I startled, having been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't sense him coming up behind me. We simply sat side by side in silence, reflecting our shared grief. After a moment, I reluctantly broke the quiet.

"I'm so sad but I can't cry anymore."

Will nodded.

"I know,"

Suddenly I felt another presence getting closer. The door chimed and Beverly entered. She held something in her hands.

"I thought you might want this." she said.

I took the crate in my hands and opened it up carefully. I saw a flash of worn yellow fabric, and a whiff of a familiar sweet scent wafted from the box. It was Leelee the giraffe, and it smelled like Kira. I felt my breath quicken and a welling of emotions threatened to choke me once more. I shoved the box in Will's direction and embraced Beverly. She whispered in my ear as she hugged me.

"I'm so sorry."

=

Later that day, I decided I should call my mother. It had been a few weeks since we talked, and I remembered how much she enjoyed hearing about my adventures. I started calling her more regularly after Ian. I decided she would want to experience these emotions with me, and talk them through together, as Betazoids typically do.

"Computer, open a subspace channel to Ambassador Lwaxana Troi on Betazed."

"Deanna! It's good to see you!" My mother nearly hollered. On screen appeared her overjoyed face and her blush pink close-cropped wig. But then her face softened as she thought about my reason for calling (she no doubt could sense my stronger emotions from across the galaxy) "Tell me Little One, what is bothering you?"

"Mother…" I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth slowly, to keep from crying. "Do you remember me telling you about Kira, Leya's daughter?"

"Leya who, dear?"

"Leya Vylk, the orphaned half-Vulcan that I counseled. Her husband died in an evacuation. She was pregnant at the time."

"Right, yes, I remember. Poor girl… she passed away, didn't she?"

"Yes. So you remember, then. Before she died, she left Kira in Will's and my care. That's why I sent you that hologram of Will teaching her to play the trumpet."

"Ah, yes. I had a good laugh." Mother chuckled, remembering the moment when Kira hit a wrong note. Her expression was priceless, and we all laughed together until we cried. "So what happened? Why have you been so devastated?"

"Well, they said we were well-suited to be adoptive parents- if we resigned from starfleet. Neither of us ever would, but our family is so important to the both of us. You know that, too. But it got worse. They found her grandparents alive on Vulcan. They took her away immediately." I sobbed, feeling physical heartbreak.

"Oh, Little One, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how to make it better. You've had a hard year. Your friend Natasha died, you lost Ian, and now you lost another child too."

"It hurts, Mother." I sniffled. "The pain hurts me in every way."

"Have you been eating? Sleeping? Showering? Taking vitamins and using oils?" Mother rapid-fired her questions protectively. My look gave her the answer, and I'm sure she could tell by the state of my hair and the dark circles under my eyes. "Deanna, I wish I could hug you."

"Maybe you can."

"You're coming home? You can't give up Starfleet! This was your dream. You fought so hard to get where you are now. You even fought me."

"I know I did. I wasn't planning on quitting starfleet, Mother. I was going to ask if you'd like to visit me here on the Enterprise."

"I'd love to. I'll arrive on Friday. I need to start packing!"

"Mother!" I called. "Before you end the transmission, there's something else I need to say."

"You can tell me anything, Little One." My mother smiled at me.

"I love you."

"I love you too." And with that, we signed off.

* * *


	9. (9) Mother

**A/N: Hi! I feel like jumping right into it today. I'm sorry I took a while (I claim adulting as my excuse) and I hope you enjoy!**

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 **(9) Mother**

"Data? What time is it?" I asked from my seat to the left of the Captain's chair. Will currently occupied that seat while Captain Picard performed a routine check of Engineering with Geordi. Data was cruising us through space at warp 4, headed for space station 7 for more fuel and rations. Everything just felt so… routine.

"It is currently 1543 hours." Data responded without hesitation. Yet again, I found myself stifling laughter at his input-output nature.

I sighed and readjusted my position yet again. Both Will and Data noticed, as well as a few wandering ensigns.

"Counselor, are you impatient for the end of morning shift?" Data inquired.

"No, not at all. I just have a lot on my mind. As soon as we arrive at the space station, I'll be picking up my mother."

"I see. It would likely be beneficial to have Ambassador Troi with you as you finish the grieving process."

"I'm lucky to have her, and excited to see her." I agreed.

Will peered over at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just feel that I'm running out of time to prepare for my mother to arrive." I could tell everyone who heard me agreed. My mother was sort of a legend on the Enterprise D, but the stories weren't all positive. When Lwaxana Troi was anywhere nearby, a certain amount of preparation was required.

My mother was known to be very eccentric, even realized to be a matchmaker with no boundaries. Her uniqueness knows no limits. She has a loud personality and demands the attention of the entire room. Most of my crew mates have decided the only way to be free from her wild ideals is to avoid her altogether.

"You'll be fine, Deanna. Your mother will understand. She's here for _you_ this time." Will reminded me. I realized he was right, and focused on meditating in a private, hidden way. I remembered a tactic my Vulcan friend from Starfleet Academy, T'Pala, taught me.

I closed my eyes for just a moment, and clasped my hands together, layering my fingers. I pressed both pointer fingers together, facing away from my body. I relaxed my eyelids, but kept them closed, and I breathed in, slow and deep. As I exhaled, I payed attention to relaxing my muscles, and then I slowly opened my eyes. I felt peaceful again.

 _Thank you, T'Pala_ , I thought to myself, wondering if she could tell I was thinking of her, wherever she was.

Three hours later, we arrived at the starbase. Young Wesley Crusher got to assist with his first dry dock. He did a marvelous job, too, and I'd heard the Captain had made a point of congratulating him.

I sped up my pace down the corridor to the shuttle bay, where Will was supposed to meet me. I was running late after I ran into a civilian shipmate who had been looking for a counselor for her teenage son. By the time I politely excused myself, I was behind five minutes.

When I arrived, I was glad to find the shuttle still preparing, and the small crowd of civilian shoppers still waiting in line. Will stood to one side idly. I reached out to his mind to warn him that I was there. He turned and saw me, and a big smile spread across his cheeks.

"There you are. We've been waiting for you." He said.

"I can see that," I said. "I must be very special."

"You are. It's why I love you." I felt my breath catch and I couldn't get it back. As far as I could remember, Will hadn't said he loved me for seven years. This time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he meant it.

Will looked at me curiously, wondering about my reaction. I opened my mouth to say something, but then the line moved and it was our turn to board the shuttle. By the time we sat down, I'd forgotten to speak.

As the cargo bay depressurized and the shuttle soared through the doors, Will reached out for my hand. I accepted, noticing that everything about his body language said I was his. I leaned my head into his neck, but shook him out of my thoughts. I instead wondered what state I'd find my mother in once we landed.

It turned out, she was pretty mellow. Upon meeting us at the station, Lwaxana Troi did the unexpected: She was quiet. Waves of affection, sympathy, and sadness came off of her in waves. She embraced me silently, and when she stepped sideways and hugged Will too, he and I shared a look. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Deanna, my dear,"—I was surprised to not be called 'Little One'— "I missed you. And I'm simply devastated I couldn't meet sweet Kira. From what you've shared with me, she seemed like the most precious child."

"She was," I agreed, and then emotion grabbed me so quickly that it choked me. I was suddenly teary-eyed and shaky-breathed in the middle of the space station. Will was as thrown off by it as I was, but still he gently pulled me away from the main crowd and held onto me. My mother stood a few feet away, just observing sadly and radiating a blend of emotions that nearly started a new bout of crying. By the time I'd calmed down and freshened up my face in the bathroom, my mother's eyes were misty.

"Mother, I'm fine now. Why are you sad?" I asked.

"Why are you sad that Kira was taken from you?" I suppressed my frustration that she responded to my question with a question and thought about it. My mother wouldn't do that if there wasn't a learning lesson in it.

"Other than the simple fact that I grew to love her, I suppose I'm upset because I won't know her fate if she's not with me."

"You want only the best for her." mother pressed.

"Yes," I answered, and then I realized. "This isn't the life you hoped for your daughter."

"No, it isn't. I know Starfleet is your life now, but I have to offer. Are you sure you won't come home?" She pleaded.

"Mother…" I sighed, less out of frustration and a bit more out of appreciation.

"I know. I just have to make sure." She watched me for a moment with a little sigh, and then turned around to face Will as well. "Well? Are you ready to go? I'm excited to see the Captain again!" I stifled a laugh at the memory of the last time my mother had visited the Enterprise. "Don't worry, I won't bother him much. I'm here for my daughter."

The night's empty dinner plates still on the table, Mother and I sat long after Will left for his two hour night shift. We talked for hours about Ian; Kira; my sister, Kestra, who passed away when I was an infant; and even me as a child. In the middle of telling the story of the ratty _antok_ -threaded blanket I was so attached to, Mother sat up straight with a realization.

"Wait," she said, "you said you have Kira's things."

"Yes, we do. Thanks to Beverly."

"When Kestra died, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of all of her things. She also had an _antok_ blanket that she loved, and I kept some baby clothes and her favorite pair of shoes when she was a toddler, and a beautiful painting she made for me. She used to be so artistic, you know. And of course it has photographs as well. Anyway, I put them in a keepsake box and I've kept it all this time. It might help you to do something like that yourself."

"I remember looking through that with you when I was very small. It helped me to feel like I knew my sister. I would love to do that with Kira's things." I smiled back at my mother's expression, then remembered something else. "I kept Ian's things and photos too."

"You did?" She asked. I could hear an echo of her thoughts, saying, _I don't remember you being the sentimental type._

 _I don't think I was,_ I reflected back to her, _but maybe I was changed by my experience, even if Ian changed nothing about me physically or hormonally._

 _You don't need the physical experience to be a mother, Deanna,_ She said. _Ian and Kira are still your children._

I started thinking about what would happen one day if Will and I ever had the children we'd talked about. How would we define the difference between Ian- an alien; Kira- a child left in our care, and the children I may one day bear?

 _You could say you have your children in the universe, and the two in your heart._

I looked up at my mother in surprise.

"Honestly, I would've thought you'd know by now not to be surprised. You think too loudly." She said laughing.

"I'm surprised you didn't say anything when I was thinking about my conversation with Will about our future children," I laughed back.

"Well, I know better by now than to invade myself in your personal matters." The smile on her face made my heart swell. I felt that our relationship had improved so much in the past year. Maybe distance shocked us both into realizing just how important the other was to us.

"Now, when Will gets back, we'll make those memory boxes."

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Kisses, my loves! Thanks for reading!


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